1. iFart and droidFart
No surprises what these do. These emit any one of a series of pre-recorded fart sounds from your iPhone or Android. If none of these satisfy you or your friend’s ears then you can even record your own or your friend’s farts and have them playback on command. Yeah, we know it’s childish but people are actually setting up “fart wars” to see who can produce the King of all farts. Don’t blame us.
2. Bic Concert Lighter
Have you ever been at a concert and the band plays your favourite anthem and you wanted to join in with hoards of people down in the “pit” with their lighters swaying in rhythm to the song – but you don’t smoke and don’t have a lighter handy? Problem solved with the Bic Concert Lighter app, which turns your Android into a simulated lighter, without the choking fumes! This app is available only for the Android, so iPhone users will have to choke away (and burn their hands!)
This one is for iPhones and simulates the steamed up bathroom mirror. Yes, you activate it by blowing on the microphone and it automatically creates a steamed up display panel on your phone. Why? Well, again it’s slightly childish but you can write messages or doodle on the display panel like you would on the fogged up bathroom mirror when you were a kid (or maybe still do, for all I know.) When you want to re-steam the screen just blow into the mike again. Hours of fun.
4. Seagulls Revenge
Ok, so this one is ours, but we think it deserves inclusion. The great seagull pooping game from Monkeybin where you fly through the charming seaside town and poop on people’s heads to gain credits – but watch out for the planes, hot air balloons and the guys who don’t appreciate your pooping antics and who will shoot at you from below! Yep, those boys at Monkeybin are whacky alright!
5. Cow Toss
Ok, here’s a really stupid app. Absolutely useless…which is why we quite like it. It’s one for the iPhone whereby you flick the image of a cow with your finger and send it flying. It has a completely arbitrary scoring system too, just to add to the sense of pointlessness.
6. Sim Stapler
Is there anyone out there who really misses stapling so much that they want to simulate it? If so, this baby’s for you! Make as many virtual stapling actions as you want, using the virtual hand and stapler, complete with noise simulation; so when you get home at nights from the office you don’t have to wait till tomorrow to get that comforting stapling sound and feel. Ahem.
You were dying to know how you rate in terms of passion levels when you and your partner get “down” to it in the bedroom weren’t you? Well, now you can – with this app that uses the microphone, accelerometer and other features of your smartphone to determine how passionate you are and allow you to compare your “sex score” with others.
8. Pimple Popper
Just in case you miss those teenage years standing in front of the mirror popping zits, this app allows you to test whether you still have the knack. Do you have what it takes to be a master zit popper? Find out with this app.
9. Poo Log
Continuing the theme of bodily excretions, this app will analyse your bowel movements, logging the ease of delivery, size, shape and other features – via a digital timer and journal. Graphs are provided so if you are struggling for conversation at dinner with a date you have plenty of ammunition to impress her with!
10. Drunk Sniper
OK now we have the complete set of bodily secretions included in our Ten. This is a game that’s all about controlling your urine stream when you’re drunk – take aim and fire into the toilet bowl but be careful – the more drinks you have, the more the room sways. The developers promise ladies “a chance to try walking in men’s shoes.” Haha.
This is certainly not a definitive list! We could go on! There is plenty of idiotic lunacy out there we have missed in the world of smartphone apps.
Be sure to let us know if there are any other madcap iPhone or Android apps that top the ones we’ve included!